talkwithuncertainty: understanding anxiety

Why Can't I Just Relax?

If you've ever thought something like this, you're not alone.

Anxiety can be relentless and debilitating. It has a way of creeping into everyday life until it starts to influence the decisions you make, the places you go, the conversations you have and even how you see yourself. It isn't just worrying too much or being someone who gets stressed. Anxiety can leave you feeling like you're constantly waiting for something to go wrong, even when there's no obvious reason why.

Many of the people I work with describe feeling exhausted. They're holding everything together on the outside, turning up to work, caring for family, meeting deadlines and appearing to cope. Inside, though, their mind rarely gets a moment's peace. Sometimes they tell me they used to dismiss others anxiety as not being that big of a deal, until they felt it themselves.

WHAT DOES ANXIETY ACTUALLY FEEL LIKE?

Everyone experiences anxiety differently, but some common experiences include:

o   A constant stream of "what if...?" thoughts.

o   Feeling on edge, restless or unable to switch off.

o   Overthinking conversations long after they've happened.

o   Avoiding situations because they feel overwhelming.

o   Finding it difficult to make decisions.

o   Trouble sleeping because your mind won't stop racing.

o   Feeling irritable, emotional or tearful.

o   Physical symptoms such as a racing heart, dizziness, nausea, tension/tightness or feeling breathless.

Sometimes anxiety feels loud. Other times it's much quieter. It might look like always saying yes because you're worried about letting people down. It might mean checking things repeatedly, needing constant reassurance (whether from a person or chat gpt) or avoiding things that feel uncertain.

Many people don't even realise how anxious they've become because it's been their "normal" for such a long time, almost like their brain stopped paying attention to certain signals.

WHY DOES ANXIETY HAPPEN?

Anxiety isn't a sign that you're weak or that you're doing something wrong.

Our brains are designed to keep us safe, they’re not so concerned with us feeling confident or even comfortable. When we sense a threat, our nervous system prepares us to fight, run away or protect ourselves. The problem is that anxiety can become overprotective. It starts responding to everyday situations as though they're dangerous, even when they aren't. Think of it as a sensitive fire alarm, going off multiple times a day with no apparent reason.

Maybe your anxiety developed after a difficult experience. Maybe you've always been someone who worries. Maybe you've spent years looking after everyone else while ignoring your own needs. Often, it's a combination of lots of small experiences rather than one single event. Maybe you have developed really effective strategies for keeping your anxiety at bay, until now.

Your brain is trying to protect you. It's just working far harder than it needs to.

THE HIDDEN IMPACT OF ANXIETY

Anxiety doesn't only affect how you feel, it can change how you live.

You might stop going to social events because they feel overwhelming.

You might spend hours replaying conversations, worrying you've upset someone.

You might stop applying for jobs, dating, driving, travelling or trying new things because the uncertainty feels too much.

Over time, life can become smaller. Not because you want it to, but because anxiety convinces you that staying safe is the better option.

The difficult part is that avoidance often makes anxiety stronger. Every time we avoid something, our brain receives the message that it really was dangerous, even when it wasn't.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO "JUST GET OVER IT"

People with anxiety tend to be unfairly hard on themselves.

"I should be able to cope."

"Other people manage."

"I'm being ridiculous."

But anxiety isn't something you choose.

If kindness worked the same way as criticism, you'd probably already feel much better. Instead, many people find themselves trapped in a cycle of worrying about the fact that they're worrying.

Therapy isn't about telling you to think positively or ignore your fears. It's about understanding what's keeping anxiety going and helping you develop new ways of responding to it, because simply put we need anxiety to live.

HOW THERAPY CAN HELP

I work with people aged 16 and over who are feeling overwhelmed by anxiety, whether it's something that's been around for years or has appeared more recently.

Together, we'll make sense of what's happening rather than judging. We'll look at the patterns that anxiety has created, understand how they developed and explore practical ways to begin breaking those cycles.

As a CBT and EMDR therapist, I tailor therapy to each person. For some, that means understanding the thoughts and behaviours that keep anxiety going. For others, it means exploring experiences from the past that may still be affecting how safe the world feels today.

Most importantly, therapy offers a space where you don't have to pretend you're coping. You don't have to have the right words or know exactly where to start. We can figure it out together.

A final thought

If anxiety has been taking up more space in your life than you'd like, you're not failing and you're certainly not alone.

Change doesn't happen overnight, but it is possible.

Sometimes the first step isn't getting rid of anxiety. It's understanding it with curiosity rather than criticism. From there, we can begin to help you feel more like yourself again.